Choose Your Words Wisely

Image courtesy of Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Two employees are asked to evaluate their work at their annual review. One describes their accomplishments as “outstanding,” noting that they have exceeded plan. The other gives a full report listing data points and gives the team credit for achieving success throughout the year.

Which employee was male and which was female?

Study after study shows us that as women, we tend to describe our abilities less favorably than our equally proficient male counterparts. We describe ourselves less often as as “proficient” or “skilled” on resumes and we display less confidence even on our resumes when we have similar degrees and certifications.

Scholars Exley and Kessler studied long and hard to reckon that women come in at nearly 13 points lower than men on willingness to brag about themselves. They do this even when they know they are exactly equal. How do we know? Well, Exley and Kessler offered up a straightforward math and science test with the same questions, and then asked men and women who got the same score how they thought they did. They asked them to rate themselves on a Likert scale. (On a scale of 1 to 100, how well do you think you did?) Women who got the same score ranked themselves on average 13 points lower. They continued to do this even when they knew the score they got.

Fascinating.

We just don’t seem to be all that comfortable saying, “Hey, I’m pretty good at stuff, and I have the score to prove it.”

A new study by Van Epps, Hart, and Schweitzer provides us with some great insight into how to overcome this tendency, and how to level the field a bit. We would be wise to learn it, and use it. It’s called “Dual Promotion.” And I’m here for it 100%.

Dual promotion is all about not just talking about our own capabilities, but elevating each other while we are at it. It turns out that women aren’t altogether good at bragging – we know that, we get that. (And yes, I know this is not universal. Some women show off, some are great in the limelight. Others are wallflowers and won’t say a kind word about themselves if paid a million. Right? Nothing is standard. Moving on.)

Dual promotion benefits more than just ourselves. Nice, right? There are three primary ways we can do this. The first is easy, and makes sense. If you have a team that you work with that helps get you to a goal or inspired you to get there, you give them a nod to the contribution they made to your success.

Allow me to demonstrate. My daughter studied classical vocal performance in undergrad. When she gave her senior recital, she gave a lovely thank-you speech at the conclusion and was sure to thank not only the musicians who accompanied her, but her student-friend who meticulously dedicated hours to arranging a Spanish folk song for her in operatic style that became her finale. This guy was not a part of the performance. He had already given his own concert, but she named him specifically and spoke about the fact that it was his talent that made her own talent shine brighter, then she went on to take several more bows. She made it clear that singing that song was her own thing. She made his music come alive. Without her voice, his arrangement was still folk music, but her operatic voice made a street song something it had never been before. And yet… you see how they both were vehicles for each other? She did not yield ground for her own achievement just because she acknowledged another person’s contribution to her arguably great success.

Another mechanism for dual promotion is complimenting a competitor. This happens often in sport. I am a triathlete, for example, and I find it very satisfying when, at the finish line, I can congratulate with total sincerity the person who has just crossed ahead of me whether by a slim or great margin. And I appreciate fully when they do the same. We are both out there trying to make the best of a tough sport, enduring challenges both within and without our control, and we are enjoying the results not just of a day’s work but of months and often years of training. It feels good to acknowledge that whatever came our way that day, we rose to greet the task. Professional athletes quite often give plaudits to their counterparts, admitting that it takes a lot of grit to get where they are, showing respect not only for the game but for the chops it takes to get there. The same should go for competitors in the market and in the workplace. When we have a colleague on a task or a competitor for a promotion or role, we do well to note that there are many factors that weave into who ends up at the finish first, both realistically and metaphorically.

The third and final dual promotion strategy is recognizing the field. By this I mean when we show our respect for the shoulders on which we stand. Think of an award recipient who shows clear respect for the other nominees. All those who admit “It’s an honor just to be nominated,” are likely not joking. It actually IS. Realistically, when our hat gets tossed in the ring for a prestigious award, it is a privilege and it feels good. To know you’ve gained the respect of someone or a group enough to be considered, let alone to win, feels pretty great. So the act of dual promotion in this instance is when we include by saying, “I’m honored to be among this great group of other people because it means that I, too, am pretty great.” “Look at me and how great I am…gee, I must be pretty great.”

Each of these forms of dual promotion puts us in the spotlight, but the best part is that it doesn’t leave others in the dark. It can feel amazing to allow ourselves to shine, especially if we recognize that it is totally, completely fair to do so. Not one of us got here alone, but we can remember that our shine is not dimmed by the success of others, nor should we promote their contributions over ours. We don’t have to break the rung of the ladder we just stood on, we can extend a hand to the person standing there and bring them along with us, if that is the path they both want and have earned. That’s no problem at all!

Don’t fear dual promotion – it’s a fantastic way to be sure you are shining your own light, offering light to others, and being seen. Your warmth, consideration, and desire to grow will be apparent to all as a leadership and strength trait, and your honesty and sincerity will be apparent throughout.

No one lies a braggart, but nearly everyone likes a team leader. So go forth and promote – dual promote.

Source – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37561455/. Because I definitely want to dual promote the team that taught me what dual promotion is all about!